holding on =/

So in the last few hours a lot has happend. Fighting, bickering, cursing, yelling. A whole lot of negavtivity. And if you know me, you know that my life since the very beginning has had a lot of negativity since the day I was born. But if you also know me, you'll know that i absolutley DISLIKE negativity. I don't like anything about it. and i don't like anything that comes out of it. Cuz nothing good comes out of negativity. Yet another day ended with it.

Arguing never solves anything, yet i always seem to do it. With almost everyone around me. Idk y. I know that i said i don't like negativity, But yet the simplest and littlest things tick me off! And get me real tight. A lot of people know me for the outspoken person I am. I say what needs to be said, even if nobody asks me for my opinion. Thats just the person I've always been. And it gets me in trouble a lot of the times.

One of the things I ask the Lord for everyday is PATIENCE. Cuz i know I don't have a lot of it. I don't have it barely at all. And thats definitly something that is a setback for me. It always seems to make things harder in life for me. I've changed a lot over this yr. A lot has happend. Everybody knows about what happend with my little angel Alahzay. Which yet I am NOT ready to write about. Yet my mothers passing, Althought I make it seem like it never really affected me. It definitly hit hard. I try so hard to seem strong everyday, but what nobody knows is that I'm probably the weakest out of everybody. As soon as I get home, I continue to fight a battle with myself and family, that never seems to get resolved. I've never really been a family person. Never. But with my mother dying, that really did make things worse. In fact, its make me a lot more distant with my family. And for some reason I don't know y. My state of mind is: God dosen't give you the choice of picking your family. But he gives you the choice of picking your friends. Well the same way you cutt of your friends though, you shure as hell can cutt of your family that SAME WAY. and I've done it before.

Idk. Life is just hard for me. it's always been that way, and I think it's always gonna be that way. No matter how hard I try, things will always be a challenge. People will always let me down, they will hurt me. they will try to hurt me, and I will fall down from time to time. but the things that keep me getting back up are the PEOPLE that are there for me each time I fall. They're there to tell me to get back up. And to help me back up.

They know who they are.

And the greatest one of all those people, Is the Lord himself. that never seems to let me down.

:)

I'll try and keep strong. and always, keep my faith no matter what.