Beauty in the breakdown.

This past wk has been hell. Me & Angelica r no longer friends no more. Cuz she decided to lie to my boyfriend to get money from him. Then apparently she calls that "talking shit & being fake". Anyways, I FIND OUT after that. After i cutt off my friendship with her, someone that threatend me and my child, someone that called me all sorts of names, someone that lost my trust and respect. I find out that Alex went and talked shit about me to her! Lovely isn't it? Yeahh whey're not perfect. But yet, that was just something i can NOT get over. How dare he? He lied flat out to my face when he told me he trusted me. Then he goes behind my back nd tells her he dosen't even believe its his kid. He has doubts about the baby. I did him wrong. I played him with 2 other guys. he went and told her ALLLLLL our history. And he expects me to get over it because apparently that "makes us even". Idk. I can't do it anymore! Its impossible! I've tried so hard lately to make this relationship work! And it just isnt working. After what he did, he lost all of my trust. All of it. And for him to stay friends with someone that lied to him. Someone that manipulated him. Someone that disrespected his gf so much, Is just not forgivable.

I just can't seem to get things right with us. no matter how hard i try. Then he goes to tell her that "she makes his days brighter" "he can talk to her about ANYTHING & she'll understand him". I've tried to hard, sooooooo hard to get him to open up to me. i wanted to be more than just a girlfriend to him. More than just a babymama. I wanted to be his best friend. Someone that he trusted with his secrets. Someone that he could come to. Somebody that he cared for enuff to cry and tell evreything hes feeling. THE TRUTH. but no. he went and talked about me. went and betrayed my trust. I feel so hurt. Yeah. Whey're not perfect. Especially me. I cheated on him twice. but u kno. HE KNOWS FOR A FACT! that lately i've been overworking myself to make shure our relationship was perfect. was at least close to perfect, and he told me he would never hurt me even though i hurted him. And he did. He hurt me so much worse. I trusted him. I really did. And he still talks to her everyday. he still believes her lies! He still is so gulliable to believe everything she tells him. I can't believe it.

I honestly wish i could tell him everything i'm feeling to his face. But i can't cuz ikno i would hurt his feelings. I honestly feel like i hate him sometimes. Hate him for hurting me. For causing me pain after everything i have been through. Especially after my daughter was born he told me that he would never hurt me. Cuz he KNEW everything i had just went through. Yet here he is. Hurting me and over and over again. Apologizing for it. I'm so done. I am.


Frankee. Again. He gets mad whenever i talk to other guys, yet here she is NUMBER One on his new myspace . Lol. Wow. he just dosen't get it. DOSENT AT ALL. its funny how he cud stay on the fone w. her till 2am. yet he gets so sleepy by 10 that he just has "no energy" to talk to me. Its funny how he gives her his passwords, yet i don't have them. its funny how he talks to her everyday now. its funny how now he wants to go to Teco. Seriously. He denies it. Yet he still acts like it shouldn't bother me. ALEX! my gawd. Get it thru ur head! Ur horrible. Ur a horrible boyfriend. Yeah U DONT DO THAT! she is someone from ur past, and u act like if its oki to have her there. NUMBER ONE. Have her hack ur myspace. Have her up there as if she meant more to u. Honestly. I just can't even think anymore. He just dosen't get it. AT ALL! he thinks it oki. he thinks its all fine. ITS NOT!

I swear I'm really done this time. I really am! No more. I can't take it anymore. he does EVERYTHING wrong. he does. and he just can;t seem to get it right. I'm over it. I have better things to do than fight and fight and fight. argue argue argue. Idc anymore. He really isnt worth me getting all stressed out. He just dosen't care. He dosen't see how i need him there. I need him HERE for the baby. I need him HERE with me. I need him at the baby app. I need him there hearing the heartbeats. I need him there holding my hand. But no he can't "afford to miss 3 periods".

Im so over it. He can stay talking to all them other broads. Idc. Ima do me. I really am over it. when he realizes that everything hes doing is just WRONG. and he fixes it! then maybe i'll consider making things work again. but as for now. Im just so done and over it!

I think ima go call an ex now = ]


Love ,

C